////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My tire was thumping. 
I thought it was flat 

When I looked at the tire... 

I noticed your cat. 

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you, 
How upset you must be. 

But don't fret about it... 

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years 

that we've been together, 

I can't help but wonder... 

'What the hell was I thinking?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day! 

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you 

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have 
someone to hold, 

someone to love. 

After having met you .. 

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. 

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... 

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion. 
Before you go... 

Would you like to take this knife out of my back? 

You'll probably need it again.

********************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! 

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky, West Virginia & of course Hope Valley )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age. 

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together, 
you always said you'd die for me. 

Now that we've broken up, 

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time . 

let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm so miserable without you 

it's almost like you're here.

=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. 

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do 

something special for your birthday. 

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker, 
and it spoiled your day. 

Look at the bright side, 

it's really good pay